Books to help you get along with people

August 22, 2021

Wondering how to improve your people skills and relationships with others? As a starter book I’d recommend Dale Carnegie’s book on How to Win Friends and Influence People, which I will describe in more detail below.

For the rest I hope you find something interesting here in my curated list: Books to help you get along with people🙂

How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie

I’ve read this book twice in my twenties, and twice in my thirties. I even gave it to many of my friends as gifts (it was so good I could not help but give it to others!).

Below are the main points directly from the summaries in Carnegie’s book. Each of these principles are richly explained with entertaining and heartwarming examples.

Main Points from Dale Carnegie’s Book

Part 1-How to handle people

1. Don’t complain, condemn or criticize

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

Part 2- How to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

2. Smile

3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important
sound in any language

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely

Part 3- How to win people over to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.’

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

4. Begin in a friendly way

5. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

10. Appeal to the nobler motives

11. Dramatize your ideas

12. Throw down a challenge

Part 4- How to be a leader

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

5. Let the other person save face

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your
approbation and lavish in your praise

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

8. Use encouragement. Make fault seem easy to correct

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

How to win friends and Influence People is a timeless classic for anyone who wishes to better understand people and get along with them.

The Art of People,  by Dave Kerpen

I finally understood the meaning of ‘never burn your bridges’, after reading this book.

Dave Kerpen argues that happiness or success in life is reliant on the bonds you build with people around you.

He goes on to say that people matter in getting you what you want in your career, job and life. If you have weak relationships with people around you (online and offline) every challenge you face will feel like a huge boulder you have to push uphill alone.

So getting to know how people think and understanding how to deal with them is what he calls the art of people.

Tips from Dave’s Book

  • “At work and in life Hire slow, fire fast.”
  • Actually listen when someone is talking and stop thinking about what you’re going to say next.
  • “People don’t want advice even if they ask for it. They just want to be heard.”
  • Validate what people are saying.
  • When you try to persuade someone talk less. “Listen instead of selling.”
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for something, and embrace the fear of people saying no. What is the worst that can happen.
  • “Inspiring people is all about making them see their vision not yours.”
  • If you don’t know what to give to a rich man, buy him a Bonsai.
  • “Learn to blow off the right people.” See this within context, and I think here he means particularly in business. What Dave means here is every minute spent with someone that doesn’t help you get what you want, is time spent away from someone who can help you get what you want. Dave gives the 3 step example as follows 1. A handshake at the start and end of the conversation, 2. Frank and direct conversation. 3. Providing value before ending the conversation.
  • Help people come up with your idea.

The Art of People is a book that emphasizes the importance of making new connections and nurturing old ones, because our connections help us to get ahead in life.

More Books to help you Get Along with People :

  • The Charisma Myth,  by Olivia Fox Cabane

Charisma is a skill that anyone can learn and perfect, but you don’t have to learn these skills from scratch. Cabane shows you how it can be done by embracing particular exercises to enhance who you already are.

  • Conversationally Speaking,  by Alan Garner

Everyone can learn to be good at making conversation. Alan Garner uses everyday language to teach you the skills to gain the upper hand during social situations, overcome social anxiety, encourage people to talk and become a better listener.

  • The Fine Art of Small Talk,  by Debra Fine

The Fine Art of Small Talk teaches you to be ease in any type of social situation. You will learn among other things to have a repertoire of social skills, keep a conversation going for longer than 5 minutes, and learn to mingle in a crowd. Included in the book is a handy cheat sheet to help you for example prepare for a conversation, break the ice, verbalize your listening and redirect the conversation to other topics.

  • How to have confidence and power when dealing with people,  by Leslie T. Giblin

This book teaches you to better understand human nature; and what humans seek in interaction. Human interaction is a trade. All people want admiration, acceptance, approval and appreciation. When interaction is built on these premises it’s a win win for both parties.

  • How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less,  by Nicholas Boothman

It is no secret that first impressions matter. According to Boothman, the secret to get people to like you in the first 90 minutes is to be like the person you meet. This book shows you how to synchronize your attitude, body language, tone of voice in order to build rapport with anyone you meet.

  • The Like Switchby Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins

If you want to get others to like you in a true spy like fashion, then this might just be the book for you. Based on behavioral analysis and experience from a former FBI agent, this book offers you tools to master non- verbal language, catch out liars, make positive first impressions and understand human behavior.

*In case you are on the shy side, why not check out by blog post on ‘How to be more Social’.

Do you have any personal tips to share about getting along with people? Please comment in the box below. I’d love to learn more!

Sincerely,
Elaine
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